Archive for May, 2006
Voluptuous magnificence
Sitting and staring at a blank screen for ten minutes produced that overblown title and a weak-willed introductory sentence. Nowadays to get noticed in this increasingly no-elbow-room area (“blogosphere”: blech) you have to have wit, style and preferrably some inflammatory opinions like “People who use the term Web 2.0 are fucking morons”. It has taken me long enough to realise that I don’t write to get noticed or to impart some kind of poignant message, I write because it’s cathartic for me.
Beyond what I have churned out in the past, a meaningless by-product of baseless anger and worryingly malignant apathy, I’m writing not because I feel I should but because I want to. Fuck attempting to garner a fan-base and cultivate meta-communities; I don’t give a shit what you think and the blog paradigm is a simple way for me to organise turgid, quagmire of thoughts.
Apathy, grease and stonework is what I’m faced with each and every day. A dull monotony brought on by the trudge from home to work, invert, rinse and repeat. Weekends come far too quickly and break-up the realisation that I’m just wasting my life in front of an 85hz window. I am a verbal regurgitation of fully-fledged ideas and half-baked implementations, full of promises with musicians fingers and the mouth of a gutter.
That grim realisation in the waking hours that your fatalism and cynicism are all correct. Entropy wins, you’ve already devoured your wings, forced to tread the pavement. What an overblown way of saying that life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. So full of promise and hope when you’re young, the sun shines on with the promise that when you come of age, life works out. That ephemeral feeling that you’re missing something fundamental as you consume the goals that were once so distant. Nostalgia for the halcyon days and agoraphobia for the life ahead: is this really all there is?
